Lasts...

As a mom, I focus a lot on the concept of "firsts."  First kick felt, first birthday, first tooth, first steps, first day at school, first time with stitches, and the list goes on and on.  Last night Niamh fell asleep while watching her new favorite movie, "Annie."  As I carried her up the stairs I realized that my baby is no longer a baby, and she's actually quite heavy!  My mind began to wander and I began to wonder if, 20 years from now, I'll be able to remember the absolute last time I will carry her in my arms.  Made me start to think about the concept of "lasts."  For every joyous first, there is a last, not nearly as celebrated, not as easy to recall, but it surely does exist.  There are so many lasts that my girls have already had, and I cannot recall the date, the moment when I last fed them a bottle, the last time I changed a diaper (though Eilis still has me with these), the last time I felt them move in me before they were born, the last time I had to interpret what they were saying for others.  As I think of all of the firsts they still have in front of them: first day of "real" school, first time a friend calls the house, first sleepover with a friend, first date (yikes), first school dance, first kiss....  I also think of all of the lasts that will pass us by, not as celebrated, but certainly just as meaningful.  The last time I tuck them in to bed, the last time they need me to drive them places, the last time I buckle them in a carseat, the last time they interrupt me in the shower/potty (though I really DON'T think I'll miss this one), the last time they hold my hand in the mall, the last time I'm allowed to choose their clothes, the last time they sit in my lap.....  Firsts are exciting and milestones of growing up.....  I'm really not sure how I feel about all of these lasts that go along with them!!  All I know is they make me sadder to think about than all of the new, exciting firsts they have in front of them!