Lasts...

As a mom, I focus a lot on the concept of "firsts."  First kick felt, first birthday, first tooth, first steps, first day at school, first time with stitches, and the list goes on and on.  Last night Niamh fell asleep while watching her new favorite movie, "Annie."  As I carried her up the stairs I realized that my baby is no longer a baby, and she's actually quite heavy!  My mind began to wander and I began to wonder if, 20 years from now, I'll be able to remember the absolute last time I will carry her in my arms.  Made me start to think about the concept of "lasts."  For every joyous first, there is a last, not nearly as celebrated, not as easy to recall, but it surely does exist.  There are so many lasts that my girls have already had, and I cannot recall the date, the moment when I last fed them a bottle, the last time I changed a diaper (though Eilis still has me with these), the last time I felt them move in me before they were born, the last time I had to interpret what they were saying for others.  As I think of all of the firsts they still have in front of them: first day of "real" school, first time a friend calls the house, first sleepover with a friend, first date (yikes), first school dance, first kiss....  I also think of all of the lasts that will pass us by, not as celebrated, but certainly just as meaningful.  The last time I tuck them in to bed, the last time they need me to drive them places, the last time I buckle them in a carseat, the last time they interrupt me in the shower/potty (though I really DON'T think I'll miss this one), the last time they hold my hand in the mall, the last time I'm allowed to choose their clothes, the last time they sit in my lap.....  Firsts are exciting and milestones of growing up.....  I'm really not sure how I feel about all of these lasts that go along with them!!  All I know is they make me sadder to think about than all of the new, exciting firsts they have in front of them!

I AM Important..... right?

In these less than perfect economic times, teachers seem to have turned into the "bad guy."  Seems every time I read an article about education or teachers, it's followed by at least 20 comments from parents bashing teachers about what a lousy job we do, anyone can do it, we have cushy hours, etc.  Add to that the increasing numbers of people who seem to be homeschooling their children and I must admit that sadly, I seem to be developing a bit of a complex about my chosen profession.  The more I teach, the more I see the connection between motherhood and teaching.  Being a mother can be an incredibly thank- less job.  Little ones demanding sippies to be filled, fights to be broken up, noses needing to be wiped and the list goes on and on and on.  But beyond all of the thank-less moments of motherhood come the amazing moments.  The moments when your little one gives you a cuddle and says "I love you" and you smile eventhough she is covered in chocolate.  Or when she grabs you by the legs so you can protect her, or when she reaches for your hand "just because."  Or when your girls are playing house together, and you realize that they are being loving and caring, and they are mimicking you.  I'm starting to see teaching in this way.  The thank-less jobs of writing numerous letters of recommendation on your own time, being cheery every day regardless of how you are really feeling, always lending an ear to listen even if it is taking up your lunch period, and on and on.  But the moments are there when you realize that education and teachers are vital to the development of the future.  When a student comes to you and thanks you for challenging him, you smile and feel proud.  When you see your "kids" (because they are all your kids) at graduation, you tear up knowing you made a difference.  When a student stays in contact through college and beyond, you know you were not only needed, but you helped.  These are the things about education that go un-noticed.  These are the reasons why we do it.  These are the reasons why kids need teachers - it takes a village and a teacher is another vital member of that village.  No matter how difficult being a mother is, I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.  And I feel the same way about teaching.  I love my job, but I am so saddened to see that not everyone sees the value of a teacher.  Day in and day out I do so much more than simply "teach" 150 teenagers a day.  I am a sounding board for their hopes and dreams, I am an adult they can confide in when there is no one else to turn to, I am a role model to them of the result of hard work and dedication.  I am tough on them when they need it, but always compassionate and putting their best interests first, no matter what.  I truly believe that I am NOT the exception to the rule, but I am what you will find in most teachers.  Why aren't we celebrated?  Why are we looked upon as people who chose teaching because it is "easy?"  Why do so many view our jobs and believe not only can they do it, but they can do it better than we can?  Sure, we are flawed, but a good teacher acknowledges his/her flaws and works to improve - the same way a mother knows when her patience are running out and locks herself in the bathroom for 5 minutes peace and "composure" time (please don't tell me I'm the only one who's ever done that!)  I long for a day when teaching will be a profession that is respected and acknowledged as important, because it really, truly is.  Teaching is not for everyone, neither is motherhood.  But those of us who choose teaching are special - because in all honesty, teaching has chosen us.  So as I try to navigate these choppy waters that have become the life of a teacher in a shaky economic time, I need to remind myself that I am making a difference and that I AM important.

**I know a lot of this post is rambling, but having been back at school for 2 weeks and being exposed to a lot of press lately bashing teachers, I have a lot of feelings stored up on the topic :-)

Am I really cut out for this??

Well, after the summer I've had, spending a LOT of time with my kids, I decided to jump into the blogosphere - yeah, I know, a little late to this trend - but I'm always late!!  What made me finally delve into this world?  My little stunt I pulled tonight made me realize that I am NOT the world's best mom.  Nope, not even close.  I try, don't get me wrong, but I tend to make mistakes - a lot of them!  Nothing that's going to harm my kids too much (I hope), but yeah, I mess up.  Tonight I decided to make a treat for the girls while they were at the playground with their Dad (amazing, they left without me!)  While I should have thrown a party, napped, done laundry, showered, etc, I decided to make brownies.  Feeling like a great mom I quickly followed the directions on the box - yes, it IS baking if it comes from the box - honestly, I have NO IDEA how you bake without a box.  But anyway, just as I put the brownies into the oven the girls ran in, telling me all about their adventures on the slides and how Daddy told them to be rude (great, will have to deal with that one later!)  35 minutes later, after telling the girls they would have brownies if they were good, I checked on them.  Hmmm, why did they rise so much?  Oh well, guess they'll just be extra chewy.  Stuck a knife in them to see if they were done - cause I just never have toothpicks in the house, as the box states.  They were clean, but just didn't seem to be the right consistency.  Still trying to figure this out, my daughters are dancing around me desperate to have a brownie.  Now, they were still hot so I told them no, and began cleaning the mess of making them.  That was when I finally saw the box and realized what I had done.  Yep, I used cake mix and thought I was making brownies.  When I realized this, I tried to sell the girls on cake.  Too bad I didn't have any icing.  Dry cake is practically a brownie anyway, right??  Eilis (almost 3) broke down into tears demanding a brownie (I still don't think she's actually ever HAD a brownie and knows what she was demanding), while Niamh (5) asked me a million and 8 questions, such as "why'd you lie Mom?"  "can you make the brownies now?"  "Can we have the cake?"  "Why didn't you look at the box - see the picture - that's a cake" and so on.  Off to bed they went without their brownies/cake - I promised they can have some in the morning.  In the meantime I found some chocolate icing, iced the cake and shared a piece with the hubby.  Afterwards I realized the eggs I used were 4 days past their expiration date.  So far, neither of us have any signs of food poisoning.  Guess I'll have to keep you posted on that one!!!

And this is just one of the MANY experiences that I seem to have, quite often, that makes me wonder, am I really cut out for this???